why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
