Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
