I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
