We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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