I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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