best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
3 2 1 whiskey
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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