i may or may not be watching the land before time
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
