a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
