He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
