Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
