it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
