anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
