Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
