I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
