Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
