ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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