professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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