the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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