In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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