I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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