PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
