question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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