I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
