There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
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He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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