I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize