Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg

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  (847): All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg http://tfl.nu/5dma
  Replies (3) Good night (1248) Bad night (1679)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on

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  (214): Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on http://tfl.nu/x4zw
  Replies (11) Good night (1033) Bad night (1113)
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  (559): View more from California

  he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.

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  (559): he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in. http://tfl.nu/5rdv
  Replies (20) Good night (1269) Bad night (1943)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  ok, come over...I have doritos

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  (201): Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home... (1-201): ok, come over...I have doritos http://tfl.nu/32vm
  Replies (8) Good night (1103) Bad night (1940)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.

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  (952): I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband. http://tfl.nu/celm
  Replies (17) Good night (1983) Bad night (3788)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just woke up to me licking the dognuts

  (623): View more from Arizona

  You mean Doughnuts?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  ......No :(

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  (602): I just woke up to me licking the dognuts (623): You mean Doughnuts? (602): ......No :( http://tfl.nu/8azm
  Replies (50) Good night (1424) Bad night (17508)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.

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  (870): Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good. http://tfl.nu/i8bn
  Replies (3) Good night (2371) Bad night (669)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right

  (631): View more from New York

  Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15

  (585): View more from New York

  hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos

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  (585): Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right (631): Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15 (585): hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos http://tfl.nu/8bsi
  Replies (8) Good night (2227) Bad night (622)
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  (631): View more from New York

  She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat

  (1-631): View more from New York

  I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness

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  (631): She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat (1-631): I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness http://tfl.nu/blnl
  Replies (4) Good night (1156) Bad night (558)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning

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  (859): I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning http://tfl.nu/m43n
  Replies (9) Good night (686) Bad night (2070)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.

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  (270): My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore. http://tfl.nu/ol80
  Replies (4) Good night (452) Bad night (1059)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?

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  (360): I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home? http://tfl.nu/x6vd
  Replies (1) Good night (465) Bad night (579)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it

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  (276): She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it http://tfl.nu/zw5c
  Replies (3) Good night (284) Bad night (719)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"

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  (248): But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?" http://tfl.nu/5x16
  Replies (2) Good night (428) Bad night (590)
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  (543): View more from

  So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.

  (543): View more from

  You are an idiot.

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  (543): So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot? (256): Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot. (543): You are an idiot. http://tfl.nu/5bpj
  Replies (6) Good night (1589) Bad night (317)

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