Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night

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  (301): Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night http://tfl.nu/y3ii
  Replies (45) Good night (3728) Bad night (872)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom

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  (717): Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom http://tfl.nu/cpi6
  Replies (46) Good night (860) Bad night (9202)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out

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  (410): a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out http://tfl.nu/89tu
  Replies (40) Good night (1870) Bad night (7529)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.

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  (214): Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me. http://tfl.nu/94g1
  Replies (9) Good night (770) Bad night (3282)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.

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  (614): i told you the emergency thong was a good idea. http://tfl.nu/5gc7
  Replies (3) Good night (3290) Bad night (805)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.

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  (563): I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay. http://tfl.nu/8krm
  Replies (3) Good night (944) Bad night (2871)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice

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  (443): frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice http://tfl.nu/wkbo
  Replies (6) Good night (852) Bad night (2162)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.

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  (339): Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys. http://tfl.nu/p4yk
  Replies (20) Good night (6322) Bad night (1025)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.

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  (703): See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians. http://tfl.nu/t1a5
  Replies (8) Good night (2222) Bad night (1308)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable

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  (617): I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable http://tfl.nu/uhd1
  Replies (8) Good night (1979) Bad night (783)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor

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  (604): I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor http://tfl.nu/wqmd
  Replies (8) Good night (712) Bad night (475)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.

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  (302): I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning. http://tfl.nu/l6mk
  Replies (2) Good night (684) Bad night (370)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.

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  (423): I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time. http://tfl.nu/ysom
  Replies (0) Good night (528) Bad night (333)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.

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  (+44): Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really. http://tfl.nu/bm1n
  Replies (1) Good night (555) Bad night (224)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks

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  (301): You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks http://tfl.nu/xbyc
  Replies (1) Good night (493) Bad night (210)

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