the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
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Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
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You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?