Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.