just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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