Your mouth is God's brothel.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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