yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
