no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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