Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
