Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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