im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
