You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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