Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
