I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
