Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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