Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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