Tell her she can't have a vagina
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
