oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize