There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
