If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
