I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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