You're completely useless in the revolution.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
