her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i will never coherently bang her
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
