I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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