he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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