Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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