After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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