I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
All I want is dick and wine.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
