just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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