Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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