I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
