Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
