She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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