Sponge bath it is.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
