I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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