Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
